


I'd Rather be Watching a Snake Eat an Elephant

by localspacelesbian



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Gen, Mild Language, Multi, Post-Costume Day (Andi Mack), T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, aro jonah and demi buffy is the hill i will die on, briefly mentioned ambiris and bandi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 19:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localspacelesbian/pseuds/localspacelesbian
Summary: Jonah does some long awaited introspection, realizes he’s aro, and also isn’t as oblivious as people think he is. There’s also some post-costume day tyrus drama, platonic wonah and juffy, and bowie being the queer mentor we all deserve.





	I'd Rather be Watching a Snake Eat an Elephant

_ “Jonah, I’m a lesbian.” _

_ “I thought you were American.” _

 

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say when when your girlfriend comes out to you, but at least it had made Amber laugh. And then they had sat down and talked about it, and he had reassured her that of course they could still be friends. That was yesterday, and now it was a Saturday, and Jonah was spending his morning alone in bed with his thoughts. He felt like the fact that Amber had just broken up with him should upset him more than it did. Honestly, he felt more relieved than anything. Of course he was happy for her for coming out to him. But he still felt like he should be upset about being dumped. Looking back, he hadn’t been that upset when Libby had broken up with him either. He was more upset about the idea of being single than about not being with her in particular. He was pretty sure he had been upset when Andi dumped him, right? At least the first time, at Cyrus’s bar mitzvah. The second time, when he had gotten back from camp, he had also been relieved then; they definitely worked better as friends. People were usually upset about getting dumped, right? After all, he had liked Amber and Libby and Andi, right? He liked being with them. They were cute and nice and made him happy. But they were still all of those things when they were just friends. The idea of being single though-

He stopped that train of thought before it could go any farther. He needed to get out of his house and do something. He didn’t want to talk to the good hair crew, though; they would know something was wrong and ask too many questions. Hanging out with Libby or Amber would probably be weird. He thought about TJ; after all, they had recently started to become friends again, but then he remembered that he and Cyrus were still not talking because of costume day, and he didn’t want to get caught up in that drama. Who else was he friends with? There was Gus and the other people from his frisbee team, but the weather wasn’t really good for frisbee today, and he wasn’t really in the mood to be the one to carry all of the conversations, which was what usually happened when they hung out and tried to do anything other than play frisbee.

Oh. There was Walker. He was cool. Jonah hadn’t seen him since he and Buffy broke up, and he kind of missed hanging out with him. They had never hung out alone though. Would that be weird? Nah, he was pretty sure Walker was incapable of being awkward. He decided to text him, and surprisingly, he responded pretty quickly. Apparently, he didn’t have any plans that day either and was also pretty bored, so they decided to meet up at the mall.

When he got there, Walker was already there waiting for him, just outside the main entrance. “Hey man, what’s up,” Walker said as they bro hugged. Walker put his arm around Jonah as they walked inside, and Jonah’s brain short-circuited for a brief second.  
“Uh not much. So what’s the plan, fam?” Jonah hoped Walker wasn’t planning on actually buying anything because… well yeah.

“I don’t know. I thought we’d just walk around, chill, maybe try on some clothes we can’t afford. Although if we go to the art store, we have to go there last because I will try to buy everything, and you will have to stop me.” Walker looked at Jonah, smiling.

Jonah smiled back and nodded, and the two kept walking. They wandered through a bunch of stores, looking at stuff, and sometimes trying things on and taking ridiculous pictures, but neither of them bought anything.

Eventually, they stopped and got frozen yogurt, which Walker insisted on paying for. For a brief second, Jonah panicked that he somehow knew about his financial troubles, but then reminded himself that Walker was just nice like that.

“So… why did you text me earlier?” Walker looked at Jonah with curiosity as he finally asked the question Jonah had been trying to avoid all day.

“I told you. I was bored.” Jonah was looking down at his frozen yogurt.

“And Andi, Buffy, Cyrus, and your girlfriend were all busy?”

“Actually, Amber and I broke up.”

“Wait. I thought your girlfriend’s name was Libby?”

Jonah looked up at Walker, who looked confused. Had it really been that long since he had talked to Walker? Or were his relationships just that short? Probably both. “Oh yeah… uh Libby broke up with me not too long after Buffy broke up with you, and then I started dating Amber. Again. And then she dumped me last night.”  
“Wow. that’s. A lot. So is that why you’re upset then?”

“I’m not upset. What makes you think I’m upset?”  
“Dude, you’re staring at your frozen yogurt like it ran over your dog.”

Jonah frowned at that. “Ok so maybe today’s been a weird day, but I’m not actually upset about Amber. I know I should be, but I’m not. I’m starting to think maybe I’m not more upset because I never even liked her like that in the first place. Maybe I don’t even like…” He stopped himself before he said the thing that’s been too afraid to put into words. Because if he says it, then it will become real.

But of course Walker said it for him. “Girls?” Jonah just nodded, still not looking at Walker. “So, you think you might be gay? You know that’s ok, right? There’s nothing wrong being gay.”

Jonah nodded again. Of course he knew it was ok to be gay; he just never thought  _ he _ was, and somehow that felt different. “I don’t know man. I don’t think I’ve liked boys either, but maybe I just didn’t think about because I never realized it was an option until…”  _ until Cyrus came out to him _ . Of course he couldn’t say that out loud, but before that moment, the concept of gayness had seemed so abstract, and he had never really thought about it.

Luckily, Walker seemed to get it because he just nodded. “Hey man, it’s ok to not know. You have plenty of time to figure it out. Now come on, we have less than an hour before my mom comes to pick us up, and I haven’t even made any regrettable art-related purchases yet.”

Jonah smiled as they stood up and threw away their trash. “Thank you.” He hoped that somehow Walker got that he wasn’t just thanking him for the frozen yogurt.

Walker just smiled at him and put his arm around him again as they walked towards the art store. This time, the physical contact didn’t surprise him so much, and it felt comforting.

Walker looked so happy and excited looking at all of the art supplies that Jonah almost forgot that he was supposed to being reminding Walker not to buy too much. They were in the checkout line when Walker’s mom texted him to tell him she was there. Jonah looked at his own phone to check the time and saw that he had a text from one of his cousins saying that they were just having leftovers that night for supper. He tried to think of what leftovers there were in the house, and he was pretty sure there wasn’t much. He hadn’t liked supper the night before very much. Normally when this happened, he would just go to the Kippens’ house for supper, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t an option anymore. At least not for a while.

“Hey Walker, I don’t really want to go home yet. Do you want to keep hanging out?” This wasn’t really a lie. He was having a good time and didn’t want to leave yet.

“Yeah man, that sounds fun. I’ll ask my mom.” They found his mom’s car, and, after introducing them to each other as they got in, Walker asked her if Jonah could come over, and she said yes.

He was worried that things would be awkward since he had never met Walker’s parents before, but all through the car ride and throughout dinner, there was never a silent moment. They were both really sweet and asked him questions about himself and about their day, but nothing too personal came up. He decided he liked them.

After they ate, he and Walker went into Walker’s room and pulled up Netflix on his laptop. They found some cheesy kids movie and sat kind of squished together. Now that he was sitting in a comfortable bed, Jonah realized how tired he was and how much he had done that day. He did not make it very far into the movie.

 

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was that his neck was uncomfortable. And there was a person next to him? He was not in his own bed or his own room. He remembered what had happened the night before as he looked around. There was a blanket covering him and Walker that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there the night before. Walker’s laptop had been moved to his desk and was closed. Also, both of their phones were on the bedside table, plugged in. He grabbed his, unplugging it, and checked the time. 10:57. The only notifications were a few messages in the good hair crew group chat (including one that mentioned him) that he decided to look at later and a text from his mom asking where he was, which he responded to quickly. He felt Walker move behind him and turned to see that he was awake too. He also looked around in confusion for a second before looking at Jonah and smiling.  _ Beautiful _ was the first word that came to mind. Where the fuck had that thought come from? He wasn’t sure if his brain meant it in the crush kind of way or in a completely platonic, aesthetically-pleasing kind of way, but he decided to deal with that later.

Walker pointed at his phone, so Jonah unplugged it and handed it to him. Walker was checking his phone, so Jonah decided to check the ghc group chat for something to do. There were some messages about meeting up at the Spoon from the day before and a few memes and then:

 

Andiman: Hey @JonahBeck Amber told us you guys broke up are you doing alright?

CyGuy: It’s okay if you want to be alone, but you know you can talk to us, right?

Slayer: Let us know if you need anything

These were followed by several heart emojis from each of them. God, his friends were so much nicer than he deserved.

 

JonahBeck: yeah im fine i don’t really want to talk about it right now but i love you guys 💗

CyGuy: We love you too JB 💗

Slayer: 💗💗💗

Andiman: 💗💗💗

Andiman: do you want to hang out today?

JonahBeck: nah im busy today but ill see yall at school tomorrow?

CyGuy: ok let us know if you change your mind 💗

Slayer: See you tomorrow Jonah

 

“Hey man you ok?”

Jonah looked up from his phone to see Walker looking at him. “Yeah, just texting my friends y’know.” He held up his phone to show him. “Apparently Amber told them, so they’re worried.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, man.”

“Eh it’s fine. I guess I should probably get going soon before my parents get too worried.”

But then Walker asked him to at least stay for lunch, and Jonah wasn’t one to turn down free food, so that’s how Jonah found himself, about fifteen minutes later, enjoying another meal with Walker and his parents. After they ate, he went with Walker’s mom out to her car. As he walked out the door, he turned back to wave at him. He heard Amber’s voice in his head saying  _ if she turns to look back at you, it means she likes you _ and felt his face heating up. He was grateful to Walker’s mom for being so talkative because he did not want to think about his feelings yet.

When she dropped him off, he immediately went to his room. He thought about texting Cyrus. He knew he’d understand, but he didn’t think he wanted him to know yet. He thought about Amber, but he thought it was probably too soon to talk to her, even though he knew they both still wanted to be friends. Eventually, he settled on just googling “How do you know if you’re gay?” and then “How do you know if you have a crush?” This, of course, led him down a rabbit hole that resulted in as many questions as answers. Eventually, somehow, he stumbled across the word asexual, and then from there, aromantic. There are people who just don’t date? Like, that’s an option? To say that he was shook would be an understatement. He read as much as he could find, and eventually, after saying “same” or “mood” to himself after almost every sentence he read, he decided that this has to be it, right?  As he was thinking about how he had felt in his past relationships, he remembered something Buffy had told him after Cyrus had come out to him.

 

_ It was the day after the Shiva, and Jonah and Buffy were hanging out at her house playing video games because Cyrus was obviously still busy with his family and Andi was busy with wedding planning. After a particularly brutal defeat, he turned to Buffy to ask her something he had been thinking about since Cyrus had come out, but he didn’t know how to say. _

_“Hey Buffy, can I ask you something about Cyrus? I’d ask him, but I don’t know if it’s rude or not.”_ _  
__“Sure. Go ahead.”_

_ “So… he had a girlfriend, right? I didn’t imagine that? But he’s gay?” _

_ Buffy snorted. “That’s not really a question, but yeah, he dated Iris. I guess that’s kind of how he figured it out. At least the part about not liking girls. After they kissed for the second time, I asked him how it felt, and he said, and I quote, ‘I’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant.’ Don’t tell him I told you about that.” _

_ Jonah smiled and nodded. Yeah that seemed like something Cyrus would say. They went back to their game, with Jonah losing spectacularly and not particularly caring. _

 

_ “I’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant.” _

Jonah smiled at the memory. What a Cyrus thing to say. And, looking back on it, pretty relatable. He thought about the times he had kissed Amber, Andi, and Libby. They were all pretty uncomfortable. He had thought at first that it was just because it was new and he didn’t know what he was doing. It had gotten a little better over time, mostly due to Amber’s help, but he had never really enjoyed it. The day before and that morning, he had entertained the idea that maybe, like Cyrus, it was because they were girls, but, honestly, the thought of kissing a guy didn’t seem any better. He thought back to Walker that morning. He thought for a second that he might like him, but now that he was actually analysing his feelings (and wouldn’t Cyrus be proud of him for that?), he realized that he didn’t feel any differently about Walker than he did his other friends.

He was broken out of his thoughts by his mom yelling up the stairs that it was time to eat. Had he really been sitting there staring at his phone for that long? He went downstairs to eat with his family, but his mind was still upstairs thinking about everything he had read. Someone asked him about what he had done the day before, and he answered, but for the most part, he just sat there silently, thinking. As soon as he was done eating, he tried to go back upstairs, but of course it was his turn to the dishes.

When he finally did make it back to his room, he immediately pulled out his song notebook that Andi had made him and started writing. He had already filled several pages by the time when his mom came in to remind him to go to bed.

 

The next day at school, Jonah carried his notebook around with him all day, continuing to write and cross out and change stuff. At lunch, he was trying to reassure Andi and Buffy that he really wasn’t upset about Amber and that they were still friends, when he noticed Cyrus looking sadly across the cafeteria. He followed his eyes and saw TJ sitting with the boys’ basketball team and Kira. “So… I take it you two are still not talking?”

Cyrus just shook his head and looked down at his food.

Buffy said, somewhat angrily, “Well it’s not like TJ’s apologized.”

Andi agreed. “I can’t believe we thought he’d changed.”  
Cyrus shook his head again. “I don’t know why I’m still upset. I mean I get it. He bailed on his friend to do a costume with his crush. I just wish he’d told me.”

Jonah was confused, but then it hit him that Cyrus probably thought that because that was what he himself had done.  _ Oh _ … “Wait, you think TJ likes Kira?”

Cyrus looked up at him confused. “I mean yeah? Why else would he have bailed on our costume? Besides, they’ve been together pretty much constantly since then.”

“I mean at school yeah, but does TJ seem happy about that fact?” They all looked over at TJ and sure enough, everyone else was laughing at something Kira had said, but TJ just looked sad. He remembered something that had happened the other day when he was hanging out with Amber at their house, and even though he probably shouldn’t tell them, he thought that Cyrus deserved to know. (Besides, TJ hadn’t explicitly told him not to say anything.) “The other day I was hanging out with Amber at her house, and Kira showed up. When Amber said who was at the door, TJ looked scared? Almost? Amber lied and said that he wasn’t home, and then he went back to his room. According to Amber, he’s spent most of his time since costume day moping in his room.”

All three of the good hair crew were looking at him in shock. Buffy was the first to recover. “Wait wait back up. Why was TJ there? I thought you were at Amber’s house?”

Cyrus almost smiled for second. “They’re literally siblings.”

Andi looked confused. “Wait what? How? How do you know that?”

Buffy was almost more angry than confused. “And why didn’t you tell us?”

“I’ve been to their house? Also, they have the same last name? I thought you knew.”

A look of realization dawned on Andi. “How did I just realize that I never knew Amber’s last name?” Everyone else just shrugged.

Buffy glared at Cyrus for a second and then shook her head. “Ok. You know what? We’re going to deal with that later.” She turned back to Jonah. “Anyway, just because TJ doesn’t like Kira and feels kind of bad, doesn’t excuse what he did. Actually, I think it makes it worse. I mean, if he really feels bad, why hasn’t he apologized?”

Jonah just shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t know how? Or he’s scared? I don’t know. Has anyone tried talking to him?” They all shook their heads, and Jonah made a decision (which may or may not have anything to do with him not wanting to think about his own problems anymore). He stood up from the table.

“What are you doing?” Andi asked.  
“I’m going to go talk to TJ.”

Buffy did not look very happy about that answer. “Why?”  
“Why not?” He walked away then, ignoring any further questions from them.

He walked over to TJ’s table, which immediately went silent as they all noticed him.

“Who are you?” Kira asked in an annoyed voice.

Jonah ignored her and turned to TJ. “Can I talk to about something? Alone?”

TJ looked around for a second at his teammates and then Kira and then over at Cyrus, Buffy, and Andi, who were all staring at them. Then, he nodded at got up. The two walked out of the cafeteria and into an empty hallway. “So… what do you want to talk about?”

“Um…” Jonah realized that he didn’t actually have a plan for how to approach this.

Before Jonah could say anything, TJ spoke. “Look if you’re here to yell at me, Buffy already did that, and there’s nothing either of you could say that I haven’t already said to myself.”

Wait, when did Buffy yell at TJ, and why didn’t he know about it? Jonah made a mental note to ask her about that later. “I’m not here to yell at you. That’s not really my thing. And I know you have a reason for what you did, even if I don’t know what that reason is. Cyrus thinks you did it because you like Kira, but I’m pretty sure he’s wrong about that. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I do think you should talk to Cyrus. I know he would understand.”

“Does he hate me?” TJ had the same look on his face that Cyrus had had earlier when they were talking about TJ, and god, that killed him.

Jonah’s face softened. “TJ, I don’t think it’s possible for Cyrus to hate you. He’s just upset and confused. And honestly, I’m confused too. Wasn’t the costume your idea? Amber said you were really excited about it. And then you didn’t even tell Cyrus that you changed your mind?”

TJ sighed and sat down on the floor with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest.

Jonah sat next to him, their shoulders not quite touching. “Look, I know it wasn’t that long ago that we started talking again, and we aren’t that close, but there was a time when we were. And you have to know I would never judge you for anything.”

TJ looked up at him and then glanced around the hallway before looking back down at his lap. “I’m gay.” He said it so quietly, Jonah almost didn’t here him.  
“Oh. Ok.” TJ looked up at him, and whatever he saw in Jonah’s face must have been good because he suddenly looked relieved and almost smiled. Jonah tried to smile back. “So, who else knows? Just to make sure I don’t like accidentally out you or anything.”

“Oh. Uh. Just Amber. I told her yesterday after she uh told me why you guys broke up. Oh and Kira. I didn’t tell her though. She uh found out.”  
“Oh? Ohhh…” Something clicked into place in Jonah’s mind. “Wait, is that how she got you to do the costume with her?” Jonah had never wanted to be wrong so badly, and when TJ just nodded, he was filled with so much anger and a strong desire to protect his friends. For a second, he pictured himself walking back into the cafeteria and giving Kira a piece of his mind, but he knew he would never actually do that. “What a bitch.”

TJ snorted. “Yeah… And now she’s trying to get on the team, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just so scared that she’ll tell people. What if I get kicked off the team? And, god, I have no idea what my parents would say, and that terrifies me. Like I want to believe that they’d be supportive, but I just honestly have no idea. And Cyrus… Even if he somehow forgives me, how can we go back to being friends like we were before when I’m too scared to even touch him because it might seem too gay? Like, I could handle my teammates being assholes, but never being able to hug Cyrus again?” TJ took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the wall.  
Jonah was not expecting that. He pretended not to notice how close TJ was to tears. It took him a second to think about how to respond, and he spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “Look, I don’t know about other students or your parents, but I do know Cyrus. He would never judge you for being gay, and he would definitely not let you get away with not hugging him.” TJ gave a little half-smile at that, which Jonah took as a good sign. “Like, you know Cyrus is pretty physically affectionate with all of his friends, right? Like, it took some getting used to for me, but at this point if he went too long without hugging any of his friends, I would definitely assume something was wrong. I don’t think anybody who knows Cyrus at all would think anything of the two of you hugging, least of all Cyrus himself.” Jonah wasn’t sure if he was saying the right things, but TJ looked less like he was about to cry at this point. “Look, you don’t have to come out to him if you’re not ready, but you should talk to him. You don’t have to tell him exactly how Kira got you to do the costume to get him to understand.”

TJ sighed. “I know you’re right. But that still doesn’t solve my other problem. What do I do about Kira?”

“Hmm… I’ll deal with Kira.”

TJ raised his eyebrow. “What are you going to do?”

“No idea. I’ll figure something out.” Jonah smiled, stood up, and held out his hand to help TJ up. “You just worry about Cyrus, ok?”

TJ still seemed skeptical, but he accepted Jonah’s hand. “Can you tell him to meet me after school? He should know where to find me.”

 

Jonah spent the rest of the day thinking about what he could possibly say to Kira to convince her not to out TJ. He thought about getting Buffy to threaten her, but that would require telling her, which seemed kind of counterproductive. Besides, violence was rarely the answer. He spent the afternoon switching between thinking about this and working on his song, depending on which one he wanted to procrastinate more at a given moment, and whether or not he could get away with writing in his notebook without anyone noticing. By the time the final bell rang, he hadn’t finished either.

He found Kira at the basketball court alone. She hadn’t noticed him yet, so he watched her shoot a basket, and then clapped when she made it. She turned to look at him and seemed disappointed that it was him. She picked up the ball and walked over to him. “Jonah, right? What do you want? I’m waiting for TJ.”

“Yeah, hate to break it to you, but I don’t think TJ’s coming.” She just raised an eyebrow, so he continued. “I’m actually here to talk to you about him.” She still didn’t say anything, just looked at him expectantly. He sighed. “He told me what you did. I just want to know why. Look, I don’t know you. I don’t want to assume that you’re just homophobic-”

“I’m not homophobic. I just want to play basketball.”

“You know, of all the ways to go about playing basketball, using TJ’s insecurity about his sexuality to manipulate him into doing what you want is probably the worst way I can think of.”

“Well, when you put it like that, you make me sound like a bitch.”

“Your words…” Jonah held up his hands for a second and then kept going before she could interrupt him again. “Look, I’m just saying, there are better ways to get what you want. Being mean to the two basketball captains doesn’t seem like a very effective way of getting on one of the basketball teams. I mean, how’s that working out for you? I know if you had treated my team the way you treated Buffy’s, I would have kicked you off too.”

“Wait, your team? You play a sport?”

“Yeah, the I’m captain of the Space Otters, y’know, the Ultimate Frisbee team. Never mind, it doesn’t matter. The point is, have you tried just being nice to people?’

“What has being nice ever gotten anyone?”

“I mean, friends, for one. Also, making other people happy just feels good?” Kira seemed sceptical, so he went on. “If you apologize to Buffy and her team, they might let you rejoin the team. Although, you should probably apologize to TJ too, both because it’s the right thing to do, and because when Buffy finds out what you did, she will kill you.”

Kira raised an eyebrow. “I’m not scared of Driscoll.”

“You should be. She threatened me once when I was dating Andi, and I still have nightmares about it. You really don’t want to hurt her friends.”

“Are you sure this is the only way to get on one of the basketball teams. ‘Cause honestly, I’d rather be on the boys’ team, seeing as they actually know how to play.”

“And that’s exactly the kind of thing you shouldn’t say, especially to Buffy. Look, the girls’ team is getting better since Buffy learned how to be a team player and a good captain. And if you also learn how to work well with others, you could help them get even better. But first, you have to apologize and learn how to be nicer to people. You have to earn their trust before they’re going to let you play with them.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

“Good. Oh and back to the main reason I wanted to talk to you. You aren’t going to, y’know, tell anyone about TJ, right? Cause if you do, it won’t just be Buffy you’ll have to be scared of.”

“Ok, I know I’m not the nicest person, but I’m not that much of a bitch. I was never planning on actually outing him.”

“No, you just needed him to think you might.” Kira just shrugged, and Jonah sighed.  _ Ok, focus, at least you can tell TJ that he has one less thing to worry about now. _ “Ok, I have to go, but please at least think about apologizing to Buffy and TJ, and if you can’t do that, at least leave them alone, ok?”

He walked away without waiting for a response, and he heard her going back to shooting hoops. He pulled out his phone to check the time and text TJ. He saw that he was late for his guitar practice and had a text from Bowie asking where he was. He quickly typed out an excuse to him, and then texted TJ.

 

JonahBeck: good news: kira wont out you

JonahBeck: bad news: thats literally where the bar is for her

 

He put his phone away and walked quickly toward the Red Rooster. When he walked in, Bowie was busy with a customer, so he just waved at him and walked directly to the back room. He had just pulled out his notebook and was looking through the song he had been working on when Bowie walked in.  
“Whatcha got there?”

Jonah hesitated for a second before handing the notebook over to him as he sat down across from him. He could trust Bowie, right? He tried to distract himself by tuning his guitar as Bowie read it. When he finished and he looked up, Bowie was looking at him.

When he saw that Jonah was done, he got up, walked over to the couch Jonah was sitting on, sat next to him, and hugged him. The positioning was kind of awkward, especially with the guitar still in Jonah’s lap, but it was nice. Jonah let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, moved his guitar aside, and hugged him back.

After what felt like much longer than it probably was, Bowie pulled back and put his hands on Jonah’s shoulders. “I am so proud of you, you know that right?” Jonah just nodded and smiled. “So… how long have you known? If you want to talk about it that is.”

“Since like yesterday. I came across the word aromantic online, and it was like everything made sense, you know? So I looked into it more and then wrote that.” He pointed to the notebook that was now sitting on the table in front of them.

“Wow. So am I the first person you’ve told?” Jonah just nodded. “Wow. Why uhh why me? Not that I’m like complaining or anything, I just mean, why not your friends? ”

Jonah shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean I know my friends would be cool with it, but I don’t know how to tell them? I guess that’s why I started writing that song. And I guess I just feel like I can talk to you? Like more than most adults.”

“Well, I’m happy to be your queer mentor. I didn’t have that when I was your age and figuring myself out, so it’s nice to get to be that for someone else.”

Jonah looked at him and smiled. “So uhh… what’d you think of the song?”

“I think it’s pretty good so far. Have you started working on the music yet?

“Not yet, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I have some ideas.” Jonah picked up his guitar again and started playing.

 

Later, after Bowie had dropped him off at home, he checked his phone and saw 7 messages from TJ and 20 from the ghc group chat. He opened TJ’s first.

 

TJ: I did it

TJ: Cyrus and I worked everything out

TJ: And I

TJ: I came out to him

TJ: I wasn’t going to but it just kind of happened and it went so much better than i was expecting

TJ: So uhh

TJ: Thanks for convincing me to talk to him and everything and thanks for talking to Kira for me

JonahBeck: hey im happy for you man 💙

JonahBeck: and im always here if you wanna talk or anything

 

The Good Hair Crew

CyGuy: So uhh….

CyGuy: TJ and I worked everything out

CyGuy: and also I came out to him

CyGuy: so yeah that happened

CyGuy: it went so much better than I was expecting

CyGuy: So we’re good now

Andiman: Wow Cy I’m so proud of you 💖💖💖

Slayer: Yeah, I’m proud of you too

Slayer: But does this mean we have to like TJ again?

CyGuy: Yes, we like TJ again

CyGuy: And I forgave him, so you can too

Slayer: Did he explain why he ditched you?

CyGuy: Yes, but I can’t tell you

CyGuy: Sorry

CyGuy: It’s just not my place to say

Slayer: Fine. You know I trust you. I just don’t like seeing you get hurt

Slayer: This is his last chance. If he hurts you again…

CyGuy: I know.

Slayer: I love you Cy 💗💗💗

CyGuy: I love you too, Buffy 💗💗💗

JonahBeck: im proud of you too cyguy

JonahBeck: 💗💛💚💙💜

CyGuy: Thank you guys

CyGuy: and Jonah, I don’t know what you said to TJ at lunch, but thank you

JonahBeck: honestly im not really sure what i said either

 

The next day, TJ sat with them at lunch, and both he and Cyrus seemed so much happier.

“Oh, I almost forgot. My dad wanted me to ask you if you’re going to perform this weekend at the Red Rooster. He said he forgot to ask you about it last night. And from how excited he seemed about your new song, I’m looking forward to hearing it already.”

“He told you about my new song?”  _ oh god oh fuck they know. _

Andi must have sensed the panic on his face because she reassured him, “All he said was that it was good. He didn’t say what it was about or anything.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t know. Maybe…” He thought about how just yesterday he was encouraging TJ to come out to Cyrus and how well that had gone for both of them. It would be a good way to come out to everyone at once and get it all over with… “Yeah. Ok. I’ll do it. You guys are all gonna be there right?”

“Of course.”

“You know we’d never miss it.”

“I told you, I’m a Jonah Beck super fan for life.” He almost missed the way TJ’s smile dropped at that, but then it was back. Cyrus must have missed it, but Buffy and Andi clearly didn’t because they shared a Look.

“I’ve never actually heard you sing, so I can’t wait.” Jonah smiled. When did he get such supportive friends?

The conversation moved to plans for that day after school. “Well, I have to work. Cyrus, do you want to come with me? The kids miss you.” Buffy and Andi shared that Look again.

“Yeah, that sounds fun.”

“Well, I have basketball practice. Do you two want to come watch? We can go to the Spoon after?”

“Aw man I’m gonna miss out on baby taters.”

“Don’t worry Underdog, I’ll get Amber to bring us some when she gets off work.”

Cyrus’s face brightened at that. It was so cute, like a puppy. How were those two still so oblivious to each other’s feelings?

After school, Andi and Jonah were sitting in the bleachers of the gym working on homework while the girls’ basketball team warmed up. Suddenly, the doors opened and everyone looked over to see Kira walk in. The room went silent. Andi and Jonah looked at each other and then walked down to where everyone else was standing.

Buffy stepped in front of everyone else and crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”

Kira crossed her arms too and met Buffy’s stare. Then she looked over at Jonah who gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. She looked down at the floor. “I’m here to apologize.” If the room hadn’t been so quiet, he might not have heard her. If he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes, he wouldn’t believe Kira was capable of sounding so unsure of herself.

Everyone else looked at each other in confusion. Buffy looked back at Kira. “Well?”

Kira looked up at Buffy and the rest of the team. She sighed and uncrossed her arms. “I’m sorry. You let me join your team, and I treated you all like shit.” She looked at Buffy. “You were right. I have- had an attitude problem. I’m going to try to work on that. I’m sorry.” Then she turned and walked out of the gym while everyone stood in stunned silence. The sound of the door slamming shut shocked them all out of it.

Buffy turned back to her team. “So… That happened.” They all nodded in agreement.

One of the girls spoke up. “So, what do we do now? Do we think she meant it?”

All of the girls started talking at once. With some effort, Buffy got them to calm down. “Ok, I guess we should all sit down and talk about this.” So they did. Jonah and Andi kind of stood there awkwardly for second until Buffy gestured for them to sit next to her. “Ok, one at a time. What do we think?”

One of the girls (Kaitlin maybe?) raised her hand. “I think she looked like she meant it. And she’s a good player. Maybe we should let her back on the team?”

The girl next to her rolled her eyes and said, “You just want her to be on the team because you think she’s pretty.”

Kaitlin elbowed her and whisper-shouted, “Shut up,” while a couple other girls laughed.

Buffy turned to Andi and Jonah. “What do you two think?”

“We’re not even on the team though?” Andi looked at Buffy in confusion.

“Yeah, but you’re my friends, and I value your opinions. Besides, it might be helpful to get an outside perspective.”

Jonah thought about his conversation with Kira yesterday. “Well, I’m pretty sure that all she really wants is to play basketball. Maybe she finally realised that being nice might be a better way to do that than being mean and manipulative?”

“Wait manipulative? When was she- ohhh.” Buffy suddenly had a look of realisation on her face.  _ Shit. _ The looked passed as quickly as it appeared. “Ok well, that doesn’t really tell us if she’s actually sorry or if she’s just pretending to be so we’ll let her on the team.”

Another one of the girls spoke up. (He should really try to learn their names.) “Well, does it really matter why she’s doing it. Even if she starts being nice to us just to get on the team, she would still be being nice, y’know? And Kaitlin’s right. She’s a good player. If she helps us win and stops being a bitch about it, does it really matter what her intentions are?”

“Well, I don’t know if I want to be on a team with someone who thinks she’s better than me, no matter how nice she acts.”

“We forgave Buffy. What’s the difference? No offense, Buffy.” 

“None taken. You’re right. I did used to be like her, and you all, and my friends, helped me get better. Maybe we could at least forgive her, even if we don’t let her back on the team.”

Andi leaned over and whispered to Buffy, “Cyrus is getting in your head.”

Buffy pushed her away and rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

Another girl suggested, “What if we just let her come to one practice, and see how it goes?”

Buffy nodded. “That’s not a bad idea. Is everyone comfortable with that?” The other girls all nodded. “Great, so now that that’s settled, let’s get back to practice.”

 

Later, the three of them were sitting at a booth at the Spoon sharing a basket of baby taters. They were talking about their day. Apparently, they had gotten a good grade on their art project, which Jonah was pretty sure Andi had done all of the work on.

At some point, Iris walked in and waved at them as she walked up to the counter. He watched her talking to Amber for a little bit. He couldn’t hear them, but Amber looked a bit flustered and was playing with the piece of her hair that wasn’t in her ponytail. After only a couple minutes, Iris grabbed a to-go bag and left, waving at them again as she did.

After she left, Jonah went over to the counter where Amber was still standing and staring after her. “So… uhh I’m performing at the Red Rooster this Saturday. I thought you might want to come?”

“Yeah sure, that sounds like fun. I’m pretty sure I have that day off.”

“Cool… And I was thinking you might want to invite Iris?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on. I’m not as oblivious as everyone thinks I am. You two were obviously flirting just now.”

“This feels like a weird thing to talk about with my ex.”

“Well, too bad. You wanted to stay friends, and I don’t know how many other friends you can talk to about girls you like, so… you’re kind of stuck with me.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “I don’t like Iris.”

“Uh huh. And TJ doesn’t like Cyrus. Are all Kippens gay disasters and bad liers, or is it just you two?”

“Shut up. I have to get back to work.” She walked away, and he walked back to his table.

Buffy looked at him suspiciously. “What was that about?”

Jonah shrugged and ate a baby tater. “I was just inviting her to the open mic night this weekend.” Buffy didn’t look like she bought that, but luckily she decided to drop it.

 

On Thursday, Buffy’s team had their practice with Kira, and apparently it went better than expected, but Buffy still seemed hesitant to let her on the team. Buffy, Jonah, Cyrus, and TJ were currently discussing this at the Spoon.

“I mean one good practice doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s changed. I still don’t trust her.”

“Yeah, I don’t trust her either, but she’s not going to change if you don’t give her an opportunity to. I mean, I definitely wouldn’t let her on my team, but I don’t think you should let what she did to me stop you from letting her on your team.”

“Wait hold on, did you tell Buffy what Kira did to you?” Jonah felt out of the loop.

TJ shrugged. “Yeah, she kind of guessed part of it, so I told her.”

“Which is why I can’t believe he’s encouraging me to let her on my team.”

“I just don’t want you to let what happened with me affect your decision. And as someone who has been given more chances than I deserve, I only think it’s fair to give her a second chance too. I mean she did apologize to me yesterday.”

Buffy looked to Cyrus to see what he thought. Cyrus agreed with TJ. “You know I’m always for giving people second chances. My only concern is your and TJ’s comfort with it, given the situation, and if TJ’s ok with it, it’s up to you and your teammates. I think that what matters is whether or not you are all comfortable playing basketball with her. What do your teammates think?”

“They’re all for it, but they also don’t know the full extent of what she’s done. And I know I can’t tell them, but it doesn’t seem fair to make them unknowingly play with someone who I know is homophobic, especially since some of them are not straight.”

Jonah spoke up then. “Ok, what she did was homophobic, but I don’t think her intentions were, and she obviously regrets it and apologized, so?” Cyrus and TJ nodded in agreement.

“Ok fine, I’ll think about it. Can we talk about something else now?”

 

Finally, it was Saturday. The day of his performance. The day he was going to come out to all of his friends and whoever else happened to be in the Red Rooster at the time. He hadn’t told anyone in his family about it, so he hoped none of them would be there. He showed up to the Red Rooster about half an hour before it started. He was in the back room pacing when Bowie walked in.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

He stopped pacing to talk to Bowie. “Oh y’know about as well as can be expected given that I’m about to come out to everyone out there.”

“Hey, you’re going to do great. You know everyone who matters is going to be supportive. But if you change your mind and don’t do it, no one will judge you.”

“I know. I’m going to do it. If I don’t do it now, I don’t know if I ever will.”

“I’m proud of you, Jonah. And I have something for you.” He pulled a small, black ring out of his pocket. “I saw this the other day when I was shopping, and I remembered I had a friend a few years ago who wore one. He told me that it’s a way of subtly showing people who know about it that you’re aro or ace. You’re supposed to wear it on your right middle finger.”

He held it out to Jonah, who took it and looked at it. It was pretty plain. He held back tears as he put it on. He took a step closer and hugged Bowie. He said, “Thank you,” quietly as he pulled away.

“Hey anytime, man. Now come on, the show’s about to start.” Jonah took a deep breath and they walked out to the main room.

Bowie walked out on stage to introduce the first person. Jonah sat backstage waiting until it was his turn. He tried to focus on the other performances and made sure to wish everyone good luck before they went on and then tell them that they did a good job as they walked off the stage. 

Eventually, it was his turn. He walked on stage with his guitar and sat on the stool in front of the microphone. He looked out into the audience at all of his friends smiling at him. He took a deep breath and started playing. As he played, his nervousness faded away and he got lost in the music. He tried not to look at his friends. He knew if he saw their reactions, he would be distracted. So he looked above the audience or at where Bowie was sitting in the front row, smiling encouragingly. When he was done, everyone clapped and he smiled and finally looked towards his friends. He was worried about what he would see in their faces, but all he saw was love and support.

He walked backstage as Bowie came up to the stage to close out the show. The crowd began to disperse, and he put his guitar down and then walked over to his friends.

Amber was the first one to speak. “So I guess our relationship was doomed from the beginning huh, what with me not liking guys and you not liking anyone. I’m honestly kind of relieved I’m not the only one who didn’t want to be in that relationship, but you’d ‘rather watch a snake eat an elephant?’ really? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe you stole my line. How’d you even know about that?” Jonah looked over at Buffy who at least had the decency to look a little guilty. Cyrus turned to her. “Wait, you told him? Buffy!”

“Sorry?”

Iris seemed to realize something. “Wait, does that mean that line is technically about me?”

Cyrus’s face went red. “Uhh… maybe? To be fair, we had been watching a nature documentary in which a snake did in fact eat an elephant, so I think it’s slightly less bad in context.”

“It’s fine Cyrus. I get it.” Iris put a hand on his arm and the two smiled at each other before turning to talk to TJ and Amber.

Andi looked at Jonah. “Hey, you know we’re all proud of you, right?” He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by people who loved him and supported him, no matter what.

“Yeah, I know.”

Suddenly, Jonah heard a familiar voice behind him. “So I guess you solved that gay crisis you were having last weekend, huh?” Jonah turned and saw Walker.

“Yeah, thanks for helping me with that by the way.”

Walker raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know what I did, but you’re welcome I guess?”

Jonah just smiled and put his arm around him as the two turned back to the larger group.

 

The next morning, he woke up to a text from Buffy asking him if he wanted to go to the Spoon with her. He was confused, but he responded saying that he’d be there in twenty minutes.

Thirty minutes later, he walked into the Spoon and saw Buffy already there, sitting at a booth for two people. There were two glasses of water on the table, one completely full and the other mostly full. Buffy was staring at hers intently and playing with the straw. Jonah sat in the seat across from her.

“Are you ok?” Jonah was concerned. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen her like this before.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking.”  
“About Kira?” She shook her head. He tried to think about what else could be bothering her. She had seemed fine the night before. Although, now that he thought about it, she had been quieter than usual. He didn’t understand why she would want to talk to him, of all people, about whatever it was that was bothering her, but he decided to try to be a good friend and listen to her. He waited patiently for her to speak.

“It’s your song.” That confused him, but he didn’t interrupt. “It kind of hit me harder than I was expecting. I was trying to figure out why, so I did some more research into aromanticism. Did you know that it’s like a whole spectrum?” She looked up at him as if expecting a response, so Jonah nodded. That was something he had come across in his research, too. She nodded too and looked back down. “I think I might be somewhere on that spectrum. Like I don’t think I’m completely aro, but maybe demi? That’s the one that seemed to make the most sense to me.”

She stopped talking, and Jonah realized he should probably say something. He didn’t know what to say, so he just grabbed her hands across the table. She looked up at him. He was definitely sure he had never seen her look this vulnerable before. “Do you want to talk about it more? Talking through it might help you figure out which label fits you the best, or if you even want a label at all?”

Buffy nodded but didn’t speak right away. They just sat there holding hands for a minute. Eventually, she took a drink of her water, and then started talking again. “Ok, so what you described in your song about how you felt with Andi and Amber and Libby, I think that’s how I felt with Walker. Like I don’t think I ever actually liked him like that, but I felt like I should, you know? And when he kissed me, it felt, well…”

“Like you’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant?”

“Ok maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but it was weird. I didn’t really like any of the romantic stuff. I just wanted to be his friend. And then when he asked me to his dance, that was just too much. That’s what made me realize I didn’t actually like him, so I broke up with him.

“And then there’s Marty. Everyone thought I liked him, but I just really liked being his friend, y’know? I didn’t even think of it being romantic until Andi said that she thought we were flirting, but even then I just thought she was exaggerating. And then he told me he liked me and I panicked. I didn’t want to lose him, but the thought of dating anyone scared me. I thought I was just scared because of the drama between you and Andi, but I don’t know. And then he ghosted me, and it hurt so bad, and everyone thought that meant I liked him, but I really did just miss him as a friend. The thought of dating him just didn’t feel right. When I found out he had a girlfriend, I was happy for him, and also kind of relieved because I thought maybe then we could be friends without having to worry about him liking me, so I called him. And things have been great. It’s so nice to just be his friend again. And maybe the idea of dating him doesn’t seem as completely horrible now, but I definitely don’t like him like that.”

She took another drink of her water and then a deep breath. “And now I think I might have a crush on someone else. I’m not sure ‘cause this has never happened before, but I think it feels like how Andi and Cyrus have described their crushes. And the thing is, we’ve been friends for years, and I never thought of them like that until recently. The other day, we were hanging out just the two of us, like we always do, and I don’t know why, but something felt different? I just couldn’t stop staring at them. I don’t know. It was weird.” Jonah was pretty sure he could guess who Buffy had a crush on, but he decided not to say anything. It was her choice if or when she decided to tell him.

“And anyway I was reading about what demi means, and it said that they’re only attracted to people they like know really well or are already friends with, and I was like but isn’t that everybody? And then I realised that no, it’s not. Because Andi and Cyrus have both had crushes on guys they didn’t even know, and now I think I get why that never made sense to me before.”

She took a deep breath. “Wow that did actually help a lot. So, I guess I’m demi, then? Huh. Thank you, Jonah. For being here and listening and for unintentionally triggering my identity crisis in the first place.”

“Any time, Buffy. You know I’m always here for you.” He squeezed her hand.

“Look at us expressing our feelings. Cyrus would be so proud of us.” They clinked their glasses together and laughed.

They smiled at each other for a second, and then Buffy ordered baby taters for them to share. They ended up spending a couple hours there just talking, mostly complaining about their friends’ relationships and their own past relationships and school and life in general. It was nice to talk to someone who actually understood.


End file.
